Mood Off Want To Laugh On Jokes Read Here At Quotes And Shayari
The joke of the day
A woman comes into the kitchen and sees her husband with a fly swatter ...
- What are you doing ?
He answers :
- I hunt flies ...
- In did you kill?
- Yes, 3 males, 2 females!
Intrigued, she asked:
- How do you make the difference between females and males?
He answers :
- 3 were on the beer can, 2 on the phone.
The new jokes
- Type Funny
It's two types in the shower after a game of tennis ...... The first remark that the second has a huge cap down between the buttocks.
He said:
- Hey, did you see? You got a plug in the ass!
-.. Yes, yes, I know "replies the other, sighing That day before yesterday I was with my wife yelled at me and I went out for a walk to calm myself While walking, I mechanically kicked in an old oil lamp rusty.
- So what ?
- Then a funny guy got out and began yelling "Hi, I'm Leo genius ... you paid me ... I grant a wish."
- So what ?
- So I answered annoyed: "Do not make me shit, OK!"
The new jokes
- Joking on adultery
Madame is on his deathbed. Her husband colonel asked the question that burns his tongue for thirty years "have you deceived me?"
In a soft voice she replied:
- Yes. Yes my love. But only twice.
- Twice! No more! My God, here I thought you were spending your time in the bed of others. Forgive me these terrible thoughts. With whom ?
- With whom? Once with your general ...
- Oh! The bastard.
- And once with your regiment ...
The new jokes
- Humor discuss two hens
Two hens discuss:
- How are you, sweetheart?
- Not very good. I think I'm coming down with something!
The new jokes
- Professor of Psychology
A professor of psychology begins its course:
- Today we will discuss the different stages of anger.
He brought a phone in the room, made a random number and asks:
- Hello Sir, could I speak to Jacques, please?
- You are mistaken, there are no Jacques to that number.
He turned to the students and said:
- You have to attend the conditioning phase.
He starts and the lady, a little annoyed, replied:
- I already told you there was no Jacques here!
He repeated a dozen times, hangs up after being yelled at by the lady became hysterical and addresses his audience:
- Here is finally the ultimate level of wrath.
Thereupon, a student raised his hand:
- Sir, there is yet a higher stage.
And to illustrate, he grabs the phone, still consists once the same number and said
- Hello Madam, I am Jacques. Are there any messages for me?
The new jokes
- Pussy
This is a boy who goes to school, his mistress asks:
- "Why does your school bag is so big?"
- "I took my pussy!"
- "But why ?"
- "Because I heard Dad say to Mom," Honey I take the lil to school and I'll eat you pussy! "
The new jokes
- Bank robbery
Two rebels and mowed blondes decide to rob a bank.
Pamela, the most experienced, explains his plan in detail Betty has the novice.
The same day, the two blondes are found in their car outside the bank, with the engine running.
Pamela told her sidekick:
- Betty, I want to be sure that you understood the plan, because I will not be in the bank with you to tell you what you must do: you must not stay longer than three minutes in the bank. It's OK ?
- I understood perfectly, meets Betty.
Betty then enters the bank, while Pamela is waiting at the wheel of the car.
A minute passes ... two minutes ... Ten minutes, and still no Betty in sight.
Finally, after fifteen minutes, Betty arrives, laboriously dragging behind it a safe surrounds of several turns of rope.
After a few seconds, after which the two girls manage, somehow, to place the safe in the back of the car, the security guard of the bank broke off the premises, with great difficulty, however, as He lowered his pants and underwear around her ankles.
By the time he was finally ready to fire on the two blondes, their car is long gone!
Driving, Pamela gets angry:
- You're really a blonde, you! I thought you had understood the plan!
- Of course ... But yes, I understand your plan. I did exactly what you told me!
- No, you idiot! I told the REVERSE: Pump FRIC and ties up the ... WARNING !!!!
The new jokes
- Creation
The first day, God created the cow and said,
- '' Stay the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun. Made of calves and give milk to support the farmer. I give you a life span of 60 years. ''
The cow said,
- '' This is a sacred life takes you want for me for 60 years. It's ok for 20 years and I return the 40 others. ''
And God agreed.
On the second day, God created the dog. God said,
- 'Rest sit all day on the threshold of the door of the house and barks at anyone who enters or passes. I give you a life span of 20 years. ''
The dog said, '' is too long for barking. Give me 10 years and I return the other 10. ''
Then God was again agreed.
On the third day God created the monkey and said to him,
- 'Amuse people, made scholars tricks, laugh. I give you a life span of 20 years. ''
The monkey said, 'Make antics for 20 years? It's too boring! The dog made you 10 years, right? Ben I like, ok? '
Again God agreed.
On the fourth day God created man. God said, '
- 'Eat, sleep, play, fuck, amuses you. Gland nothing, I give you 20 years. ''
The man replied, 'What? Only 20 years? Shit! Look, I take my 20, the 40 the cow has rendered the dog 10 and 10 of the monkey. That makes 80, okay? ''
- '! Ok' '' replied God. ''Bargain''.
Thus for the first 20 years of our lives we eat, sleep, play, fuck, have fun and do nothing.
During the 40 following years we work as a slave in the sun to maintain our family.
For the next 10 years we do monkey tricks to entertain our grandchildren.
And for the past 10 years we sit outside the house barking at everyone!
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